Why Argue?

Oscar is a middle school student with a growing interest in social justice, including gender equality. At school, he is dismayed when his female peers are picked on by other boys. Sometimes, Oscar’s classmates will say things such as “make me a sandwich” when girls argue with them or that “women should stay in the kitchen” to provoke a reaction from his female friends. When Oscar is recounting one of these incidents at dinner with his extended family, including his younger sisters, Oscar’s uncle reveals he believes it is preferable for women to stay at home and it is unnecessary for girls to go to college, especially if they marry a wealthy man. Oscar is upset at his uncle’s remark and tries to persuade him, through reasoning, to see why such a view is wrong. The two argue and exchange strong words until Oscar’s uncle leaves, but they continue to fight through texts. The next day, Oscar talks to his dad, who wasn’t at dinner, about the argument. His dad, Andrew, is Oscar’s intellectual and moral role model. Oscar expected his dad’s praise for standing up to his uncle, but Andrew advises Oscar to refrain from arguing against his uncle, especially in disrespectful ways. Andrew explains to Oscar that there is research showing that people do not often change their minds through reasoning and that being argumentative towards others leads to resentment and pushes them away. Because of this, Andrew believes it is usually better to overlook his 2brother’s, and Oscar’s uncle’s, comments and build trust and respect with him so he might become more receptive to Oscar’s perspective. Andrew states that this is especially important because the uncle usually comes home from work already stressed out and irritated, so he may be even less welcoming to contrary arguments than other people. Andrew acknowledges that Oscar’s feelings aren’t uncommon, especially for teenagers, as there is often a generational divide in families on social issues and that adolescents often feel the need to voice their concerns. 3Oscar does not agree with his dad. Oscar explains that he believes it was right to argue with his uncle, since he was espousing a belief both Oscar and Andrew strongly disagree with. Oscar stresses that the conversation took place in front of his sisters, who are all in elementary school, and believes letting their uncle’s statements go unchallenged can make the girls have lower self-esteem in comparison to their brothers and male peers. Oscar also believes their uncle should know that they disagree with him, since it would be dishonest and even more disrespectful to simply ignore their uncle without responding. Additionally, Oscar thinks that arguing back might persuade his uncle to change his opinion to something Oscar finds less reprehensible, especially if he cares about his nieces.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1.Do we have an obligation to vocalize our disagreement to objectionable views when we hear them?

2.When we disagree with others, to what extent should we consider the efficacy of our approach in vocalizing our views?

3.Is it always disrespectful to challenge authority figures? If it is disrespectful, is it always wrong to be disrespectful in that way?

Inspired by “Why Bother with Political Arguments?” by Victor Kumar & Joshua May from The Prindle Post, https://www.prindleinstitute.org/12023/01/why-bother-with-political-arguments/ “Escape the Echo Chamber” by C Thi Nguyen, https://aeon.co/essays/why-its-as-hard-to-escape-an-echo-chamber-as-it-is-to-flee-a-cult; 2“Winning Arguments: Interaction Dynamics and Persuasion Strategies in Good-faith Online Discussions” by Chenhao Tan, Vlad Niculae, Cristian Danescu-Niculescu-Mizil, and Lillian Lee, https://arxiv.org/abs/1602.01103. "Gen Z Post Election Research” by Murmuration, https://murmuration.org/guest/publication/14?s=39.